Be Kind To Myself

I am a FLYbaby. (If you don’t know what that means, check out flylady.net and prepare to have your mind opened to new possibilities of awesomeness) What has this taught me? (Other than how to organize and keep my house company ready.) It has taught me that it’s very important to be kind to myself.

What does this mean?

This means, why in the world do I criticize myself so harshly when I would never say any of those things to a friend. I would never tell a friend that they shouldn’t try because they will just fail. I would do my best to make sure I was taking care of that friend so well that they were healthy in body, mind and spirit. So why am I so horrible to myself?

Why are we all so horrible to ourselves?

I have had to ask myself that question a lot lately. You see, despite my efforts I am nowhere near where I wanted to be, fit-wise, for our vacation next week. I was starting to get thoroughly discouraged, berating myself for my own laziness and lack of discipline. I have not been kind to me. So why have I even been trying?

A little slip up on the whole “healthy eating campaign” would bring words of such great disapproval that it was a wonder there was any of me left. Would I have ever told a friend, who upon telling me she had eaten ¼ of a bag of Dorritos, that there was absolutely no way she would ever be skinny and in shape? EVER. Because of that one slip up, because she was not perfectly attending to her healthy eating plan she would never, ever, on any planet get in shape and look toned and skinny.

The answer? No. I would never say anything like that. I would give words of encouragement. “One slip-up can’t ruin everything. Ten-slip ups won’t. Because you won’t give up! You’ll just keep on trying and do better and better. Don’t beat yourself up. You can make it. I promise.”

I was not so nice to myself.

I have berated, criticized, beaten down and demoralized myself for every little mistake. I look at where I want to be, see where I am and instead of saying, “Oh yeah! We are a little closer. We can get there. No worries, we’ve got this!” I end up hearing myself say, “I can’t believe I look like this. What is wrong with me? I can’t seem to do anything right. I look horrible. Why does my husband even like me?” 

How horrible. If someone else had been saying that to me every day I would have accused them of some serious verbal abuse. But, it’s just me abusing me. Which is worse than anyone else saying anything.

Truth is, I have hated the way I look since I was about thirteen. Thirteen! That is eight years of self-loathing! Eight years of hating my reflection. Eight years of suffering under the weight of self-doubt. I have been crushed by own opinion of myself for so long that now that I see the damage I have to wonder… how do I fix it?

First thing first! BE KIND TO MYSELF! Why is that so hard? To cut myself some slack? To say, “Hey, yeah, that wasn’t the best thing to do but that doesn’t ruin everything. It doesn’t have to be perfect to work. It just needs to be relatively consistent to work.”

Why do we expect perfection? Why can’t I see myself and think that I am beautiful? What is so hard about loving me the way I am? (Imperfections and all). It’s no wonder I haven’t seen the positive changes in myself that I wanted. It’s no wonder that I haven’t gotten the body of my dreams when I have given myself what I need to succeed.

In fact, this goes for all things. From writing, to cooking, to running to starting clubs! I haven’t given myself the support I need.

So, even though I know it isn’t going to be an easy change. Or a fast change. I know that I am going to start being nice to me. I will be my biggest and best support team! I will say only nice things to myself. I will treat myself like I would treat my best friend. Maybe even better. From the quality one-on-one time, to the encouraging words and loving acceptance I try to give all my best friends, I will try to give that to myself.

I will go to bed early because I deserve to feel refreshed and energized. I will eat good food because my body deserves to run on the best fuel possible. I will exercise because it makes me feel good, physically and emotionally. I will work on my book, cooking, yoga, rock climbing and whatever else I want too because I love to develop my talents. That, my friends, is being kind to myself.

So, have you been beating yourself up? Have you been your own worst enemy? Have you given yourself the love and credit you need to be the best you? Start being kind to yourself! Maybe, if we all band together, we can teach the young women that are following behind us to stand up to themselves, for themselves. To not give in to the belief that they are not good enough. To not drown in their own perfectionism. But to thrive in the love that comes from  accepting who you are, where you are and what you want to become.

No excuses people. I want to hear from you! Tell me, tell everyone that you are going to be nice to yourself and that everyone else needs to be nice to themselves too! Stand up for yourself. Stop bullying yourself and live your life with no regrets.

That is what I am going to try to do. Join in the love folks!

 

New Favorite Quote “The Difference in Who You Are and Who You Want to Be, is What You DO”

"Crazy" You Say? Why Yes, Have You Been Looking For Me?

We have moved. And we are almost unpacked. Moving, though, is not good for one’s constitution. However, I believe that Stephen and I have pulled it off nicely and that we are going to love our new home.

Upon moving into the house, one of the first things I did was a load of laundry. Just out of sheer joy I had to use my very own washer and dryer! Seriously, anyone who knows what it’s like to not have a washer and dryer understands the beauty that moment.

Of course, being me and having been born under a star with a skewed sense of humor, some things went wrong. No, we didn’t lose Lulu (hm… now that I think of it, I haven’t really properly introduced that incorrigible kitty to my little online community) and we didn’t break anything of importance. But, we did kinda kill a car…

Here is what happened, Stephen and I were borrowing my dad’s small SUV to haul the trailer since neither of our cars have that ability. It had just had a new transmission put into it, and we were sure that it was going to work great (or so my dad said. And I generally trust him implicitly when it comes to cars). Well, we finally get over to my Aunt’s house to borrow their trailer (Thanks Christine and Kevin!) and they are gracious enough to help us get it all set up.

Now, it was late on a Friday night. We were definitely interrupting them, and causing everyone to be eaten alive by mosquitoes. So, they really were very, very kind. Well, we get everything hooked up, and we start to head off. I get the impression that we probably shouldn’t be on the freeway, so I suggested we take State street instead. Stephen agreed, and everything went swimmingly until we started to climb up a small hill.

The incline was gradual, but half way up everything was shaking quite alarmingly, and we had nowhere to go but the middle of the road. (You know, that lovely place between oncoming traffic reserved for left turns?) Yup. That is where we were. We put the car in park, and Stephen went to inspect. He came back and said everything looked fine.

We attempted to get out of the road only to find that we could not get the car out of park. No matter what we did, it was stuck. We called my Uncle, and he came right away to help us out. We called a tow truck because we knew we couldn’t tow it behind us when it was so very much stuck in park.

My Uncle arrived. He has some excellent knowledge of vehicles, and attempted to get it out of park. No such luck. So he got to work, hauling the trailer backwards far enough that we could connect the trailer the right way. And then getting the trailer out of the way and into a nearby parking lot.

Stephen and I waited. Waking up my poor parents (since it was their car) at around 1:00 am to ask them what they wanted us to do with the unfortunate piece of metal on four obstinately parked wheels. More waiting.

The tow-truck arrived.

Voila! The man was a mechanic. He looked at the car for about, oh, 5 minutes. Switched around some fuses and suddenly, the car was working perfectly fine. All of that trouble simply because we blew three fuses. I was annoyed. But grateful it wasn’t anything worse than that.

We finally got the trailer home (after switching my uncle cars and taking his much more reliable vehicle to haul all of our stuff to the new apartment) and it was 1:30. My brother-in-laws were coming over at 8:00 am to help us move. I wasn’t done packing. Stephen and I stayed up until 3:30 packing. He went in and fell asleep, I was awake until after 4:00.

Of course, I was up at 7:30 the next morning and started getting ready for the grand relocation. The move went smoothly thanks to my estimable and industrious husband and brother-in-laws. And, all we have left is unpacking and decorating.

I am loving our new location, having a washer and dryer and dishwasher. I am rather in love with my spacious bathroom and much cubby-holed closet. All in all, I love it!

The next few weeks are going to be crazy though. Between my brother leaving on a mission, my brother-in-law getting married, my job ending, going on a week-long vacation, starting school, finding a new job and sending my sweet husband off to training with the military for six months…. I feel like I don’t have time to breathe. 

Oh and exercise? I’ve been moving! That counts, right?

Crafting and Packing and Moving, Oh My!

I have had the strangest urge to take up knitting or crocheting. Anyone who knows me can tell you that this is decidedly not something I often consider. Ever. I am not a "crafts person". In fact, though blessed with talented Grandmas, Aunts and Mom, Mother-In-Law, Sisters-In-Laws and Friends, I have always looked on their ability to sew, scrapbook, paint and create charming knick-knacks as awesome for them and impossible for me.

I can't explain my aversion to crafty things... In fact, I have only recently developed a liking for cooking because I can be creative. I know you can be creative in crafts as well, but I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it. Nor do I really want too. Sure, It makes the house look nice and the women who can do these things are always whispered as being "accomplished", but I do not hold those cursed accomplishments. And, when it comes down to it, I'm not too disappointed by that fact.

I might end up trying knitting though. Just for something for my hands to do while I watch a movie or something. Or, I just might not. Both would be lovely.

Any whoo, sorry about that rather pointless rant. An update in the life of Jeannie (for those who care to know, and for those who don't... why are you reading this again? :D ) I am in the process of packing up my house. I have packed all of my belongings many, many, many times before. I have moved so many times that I have lost quite a few of my precious things. On the other hand, I only own a few things I really care about now. Everything else I just get rid of, cause who wants to pack that crap around?

I don't much like packing. UNpacking though. That is fun. It's like rediscovering the house and things you own. You get to find fun little places to put things. Watch your life put up on the walls and shelves, and enjoy your personality taking over a space previously occupied by someone else.

Packing though.... I wish I had a Fairy Godmother to help me magic all the packing away. It would make my life easier. I'll get through it though. It seems to have taken over my life just a little. Exercising? Sorry, I'm packing. Eating healthy? Don't exactly have the time, I'm packing. Friends? "Oh! You'd like to come over? Wonderful! I need help packing."

Thank heavens it will all be over by Saturday night. I can't wait to be done and settle into my new home, with my dishwasher, washer and dryer and big bathroom.

So forgive me if I'm more scatterbrained than usual today. My house is in a jumble which seems to make my frame of mind a bit crooked.

Fate Had Other Plans

I felt incredibly virtuous this morning. My alarm went off to get up to go running. I hit snooze, and then gave myself a nice little pep talk about needing to get up and how happy I will be when I am done. So, I got out of bed. I stumbled around trying to find my running stuff, and was promptly stumped. I found the spandex shorts, put those on, and then searched and searched and searched. I could not find my sports bra anywhere. Seriously, it disappeared completely.

So, I make my way over to the closet. The burst of freezing cold air from our window AC unit made me decide it would be better to crawl to the closet. In front of my closet was what looked like a box. I didn't have my glasses on so I couldn't be sure. (Some background information: My husband will often leave gifts in front of my closet door for birthdays, valentines day and sometimes just because he loves me). Well I moved the box out of the way without looking at it as I was.... well, to be honestly I didn't have much clothing on and the AC was killing me.

So I decided to retreat back to the dresser to find a shirt before continuing the search. It seems that though I was determined to go running, Fate had other ideas. As I was trying to find a shirt to throw on, amid much shivering, Stephen sat up in bed and said, "Do you have any idea what that thing you just moved in front of the closet was?"

I looked up a little guiltily. Stephen is a fantastic giver of gifts, but he does expect his gifts to be met with a certain amount of enthusiasm.

I looked up a little guiltily. Stephen is a fantastic giver of gifts, but he does expect his gifts to be met with a certain amount of enthusiasm.

This isn’t really hard because I am usually incredibly enthusiastic about his gifts. But I knew I had made a serious blunder from the look on his face.

“Um… kinda. Sorry, I don’t have my glasses on, or a shirt on! I’m cold and I was going to get my glasses to see what it is.” I felt like I had just told a little kid that Santa wasn’t real. 

I bounded over to the box, picked it up and jumped onto the bed. It was a Kindle! * gasp * I immediately went to work trying to get it open. I just wanted to touch it. I look over at my husband.

“I thought you would have come and jumped on me as soon as you saw it or something.” Oops. I wasn’t being as grateful as I should be. I then told him how awesome it was. I enthused and told him how incredibly excited I was. Because, I was sooooooo excited! SO EXCITED!

As a lover of books, as a student as someone who just wants to have a houseful of books, a Kindle is a way to keep from having to move 2 tons of books every time we have to relocate.

It is the perfect gift for me.

We both go the box opened and started exploring it. Giddy with how it really does look just like ink on a real page. We got it charging, looked online at some of the books I wanted, and I continued to try and thank my amazing husband for this awesome gift.

When we settled down, I looked around again (this time with my glasses on and therefore a higher chance of success) and still no sports bra. So, as a thank you to my wonderful husband we got to do what we never get to do in the morning: Cuddle. (and you thought it was going to be something dirty! Shame on you.)

I am so very blessed to have an amazing husband who could have taken the money that he spent getting me a Kindle getting himself a nice gun (something he has wanted for ages). And, you know what the amazing part of this is? I did not deserve anything.

Lately, I have not exactly been the most pleasant person. The past two days I have been irritable, grumpy, tired and quite rude. But, my dear husband has taken it like a champ. Even last night when I rip into him for no good reason, he listened. He told me he was so sorry I felt that way. He talked me down from my temper, and up from the depths of despair.

Last night, he went grocery shopping because I was much, much, much too tired to go. Not only did he go grocery shopping, but he came home with one of the best gifts ever! I told you I am spoiled. He gives me gifts when I least deserve them. 

So, thank you Stephen. Thank all the powers that be that you found me, chose me and actually want to stick with me (crazy though I may be). I am so happy that he is mine for always and forever! 

And thank you everyone else for putting up with this rather mushy ending. All I can say is… I am a very lucky girl.

Lamest Excuses of All Times

With the help of friends, I have been compiling a list of the lamest excuses of all times. We started out with lame excuses to get out of going on dates, and it has kind of snow-balled from there. Here are some of the "best" lamest excuses we came up with: 

"My goldfish has a cold, I don't want to leave him just in case this is the end."

 "I was thinking about washing my hair that day, sorry"

 "The ink in my printer is out. I have to change it cause I am thinking about printing something on Saturday."

"That is my designated "Sit in Silence" Day."

 "I'm color blind."

" Sorry, Wednesday won't work.. I've got to go to Mexico.. it's my turn to be a drug mule.. but if I make it back alive.. Saturday would be awesome."

"I have a whole package of pencils that need sharpening."

"I'm people watching that night."

"My fortune cookie said that's it's an unlucky time for me."

"I'm considering becoming a trapeze artist. I had scheduled in my decision making time for that night."

And my personal favorite, "I have to mate socks for the homeless."

 Now, I'm not saying that I have ever used one of these excuses (maybe one... once or twice) I just think they are pretty funny. I mean, come on! Haven't you ever had someone ask you out, or want to hang out and you just really, Really REALLY didn't want too. But you were pretty sure, "I don't want to hang out with out at all. Ever." is a little too honest? 

 I know I have. I also know that I have a tendency to not want to hurt some people's feelings. (Some. Not all. There are some people I wouldn't mind hitting with a 2X4 of hard, cold truth) I think, that when it comes to really turning someone down because you just really don't want to be with them as a friend or potential date, that they deserve a half truth.

Miss Manners of MSN.com, says that you don't have to offer an excuse. A simple, "I'm sorry, I won't be able to" should suffice. If they push for more, you should be able to politely tell them that you really won't be able to, and you appreciate the offer.

One problem, this does not deal with the horrible fact that they will probably ask you when you are free. Miss Manners gives us yet another thing to say, "You know, my schedule is really packed right now. Why don't I contact you when my schedule clears up."

Problem! I know many a persistent guy who won't realize that you are rejecting his offer of courtship. I know many a girl who won't realize you are trying to avoid her. So, what do we do? (This is when I am sincerely glad that I am married and can just tell my husband, "Babe, I just need some alone time right now, kapish? We'll cuddle later. I love you." ) 

 So how do you deal with this problem? In my single days, I had a rule. I would go on a date with a guy once (if he didn't pose a threat to my safety in any way). After that, if he asked me out again and I really didn't want to go out with him I could just say, "You know what, I had a lot of fun with you. But I think we would be better friends. Is that cool?" And if it wasn't, I would never hear from him again and I was OK with that.

But with friends... or people who "think" they are your friend... It gets difficult. In all honesty, most of the time I just suck it up and hang out with them if they are the type that doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. But, if that person has plenty of friends and being with them makes me want poke myself repeatedly in the eye with barbeque tongs... I usually have the "I'm so sorry I am terribly busy" excuse on hand. But, I'll admit, I've given some pretty lame excuses. 

It's honesty time people, what is the lamest excuse you have ever given? Or has anyone ever given you an incredibly lame excuse before?

Can You Say, "VICTORY!"

I can. I said it on Wednesday. Loudly. I might have woken up my husband with a victory dance. I may or may not have jumped on him while he was in bed, practically shouting, "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!" And then continued to bounce around the room in sheer joy. I just might have done something like that.

 You want to know why? Because... I. Fit. Into. My. SKINNY. Jeans! (Please, feel free to cheer as loudly as you'd like). Not just any skinny jeans. The skinny jeans I bought when I was at my pre-wedding (read: I'm wearing a fitted wedding dress and have to look amazing in it), thinnest most in-shape awesomest ever. Ever. I fit into them. And I fit into them well (at least... my husband couldn't keep his hands to himself.).

Now that, my friends, is a great feeling. It was great motivation to keep up my hard work. I have gotten up early 3 out of the 5 days this week and worked out. (That's better than nothing! And next week will be even better, just you wait!)  And the best part is, I am doing alright with the whole working out, eating right thing now. But I am only going to get better at it in the future. Really, because it is becoming a habit now.

One of the really important things I learned this week was, that even if I can't do the perfect work out I was planning on doing, I need to let it go and just do as much as I can. For example, I didn't wake up as early as I wanted to yesterday, but I got ready to run any ways. I realized that I didn't have enough time to go my full 2 miles. In the past, I would have just rolled over and gone back to bed and said, "Oh, can't do it. Too bad." (which is silly, I know)

Instead, I got up, got ready and hit the road. I only did just a little over 1 mile. But that 1 mile made a difference I'm sure. So, the moral of the story is, it doesn't have to be perfect to still help out and give a positive effect. I learned this from FLYlady. (www.flylady.net check it out! )

All in all, I am so happy! I know I still have a ways to go to finally reach my end goal and have my "dream body", but, at the same time, I can't remember feeling so confident in myself either. It helps that I have a husband who thinks I am beautiful and attractive. But, I am also finding that as I come to accept myself exactly as I am that I have all the confidence I need.

Of course, it helps to be confident when you're wearing skinny jeans...

Granted... I don't know how confident I would be in such bright skinny jeans as featured above... I might give it a try in a few months though. Who knows?

New Occupation: Seeker of Seemingly Impossible To Find Things

 I guess I should start looking for the Holy Grail… because we found the perfect apartment this weekend. Seriously, talk about blessings from above, good karma and getting way more than you deserve. This place comes equipped with a Washer and Dryer, a Dish Washer, a Panty, Linen Closet, big bathroom (read an actual bathroom counter with drawers and a cupboard!!!!!) AND two bedrooms, each with a large closet.

Like I said - way more than I deserve. I am so stoked I can hardly contain my excitement. Let August 1^st arrive! This is the first time I haven’t been completely dreading packing and moving. 

In other news! This morning I actually got up and went running. It was awesome. The roads were pretty empty, the sun was just starting to rise and I was able to run two miles in pretty good time. I loved it.

The only weird thing was all the college kids trudging away to school at that early hour looked like they were headed to prison, or to work in the galley of a pirate ship. I kind of felt bad exuding happiness at the tranquility of the morning and my run with all the misery heading towards the hallowed halls of higher education.

However, 7:00 am runs really are worth it. Now, will somebody remind me of this tomorrow morning at 6:45 so I can be sure to get up again? Thanks a bunch!