Popcorn A.K.A The End Of The World

Have you ever felt like you were pleasantly riding along on the road called life when suddenly you find yourself on the precipice of the end of the world. There is a sign conveniently labeled "The End Of The World" and a stack of pamphlets on how to treat shock. Suddenly you realize that you probably shouldn't have complained that the Air Conditioning wasn't cold enough, or that the car smelled funny, or that some of your traveling companions were intolerably insufferable. Maybe, just maybe, you should have enjoyed what you did have, acknowledged the scenery and embraced the sharp turns and twists that often threw you for a loop.

But now, now you are faced with what feels like the end of everything. And suddenly, all that was so bad before becomes nothing more annoying than a Justin Bieber song stubbornly stuck in your head. My friends, today feels like I have reached the precipice. In reality, my job is being terminated due to the company going under. Is it really the end of the world? Of course not. But it certainly feels like it. I'm guessing that I will turn around only to find that the end of the world is really just a nice scenic route and that the road continues after a sharp right turn. I just have to follow that turn into the unknown. I don't really want to though. Right now I feel like dangling my legs over the End Of The World, and throwing popcorn off the edge. I want to whine and complain, cry and have the temper tantrum of my life. But will I? Probably not. It could be fun though...

I know everything will turn out alright. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that my husband will hold me tonight while I irrationally cry over a job that, to be honest, I didn't really like. I know that he will kiss the hurt better and that tomorrow I will have sent my resume out at least five times. I know that my family and friends will be nice and coddle the very frustrated Jeannie, and that I will have all the support that anyone could ever ask for. But, for the moment, I think I'll sit here throwing popcorn and lamenting my fate. Give me five minutes. I promise I'll be up again. Once all the popcorn is gone.

Flying: Much Easier than Waiting

Last night it hit me. Hard. I don't know what my biggest fear is. I'm not afraid of dying. Failure isn't an option because I will never fail as long as I do my best. Losing my husband is really, really scary. But I know that I will be with him again, and that he would help me through while I am by myself. So, what am I afraid of? Spiders? Yes. Fish? Yes. The toilet overflowing while I am at someone else's house? Absolutely. Making a complete fool of myself? Not really. Being alone? No, because I know I am never alone. So... what is my greatest fear? 'Twill remain a mystery. For what is there to really fear but fear itself? I am not perfect. I am not invincible. I am adaptable. I can come back like a rubber band stretched to its limit. Will it hurt? Yup. Will I cry and think it is the end of the world at times? Yes. But... Such is life. And I know I can handle it.

Want to know something? The world is a much brighter place when you aren't really afraid of it any more. I guess the next thing to conquer is my inability to wait for things. Then again, it would probably be easier to conquer my inability to fly....

When a Door Slams in Your Face.... Scramble, Find a Window and Squeeze Through as Quickly as Possible!

I am a wimp. If I have to choose between exercising and staying warm... I will choose staying warm. This cold weather is literally trying to kill me. Combine that with my new hatred of indoor tracks (the one I go to is now swarming with BYU students. Its like running in a herd of goats, all looking for a mate) and we are left with a predicament.

How I am supposed to go running when in the mornings it is so cold I can hardly breathe, and by the time I get off work its to dark outside to go by myself? (And cold... but not as cold as the morning) Well, running is still a goal I want to accomplish. But, the whole point of the running is to become my realistic version of a Victoria's Secret Model. (or to have Jennifer Aniston's body... I'd be happy with that too). So! I decided that though running was becoming impossible, for the time being, due to the many circumstances against me I would still reach my very reachable goals. The answer to this puzzle? P90X!

Trust me, I'm not crazy. I did it halfway through once before, and I loved it. Of course, I had never been so sore in all my life, but I loved it! So, thanks to the love of my Aunt Tamara Jane Marie Phillipa Ethel Georgette Yolanda ( I gave her the new names when I was asking beseechingly to borrow the DVDs) I was set up with almost the complete DVD set. (I'm missing one DVD, but I'll find it somewhere). I started Monday. It was great! And... man was it a work out. I was soaking wet with sweat and hardly breathing by the end. But it was worth it.

Sadly, yesterday I didn't do it. Monday night I went to a late movie with my handsome husband and Tuesday I was paying for the lack of sleep and hard workout the day before. When I attempted to try the next DVD in the set, my whole body protested so loudly I thought it wisest to just sleep.

However! Today is a new day! And today I will be doing P90X if it kills me! (Which I really hope it doesn't).

In other news, I can't decide if Wombats are cute or not.... There is something disturbingly warthog-ish about them But then again... their little faces.... I can't decide.

The Rock Wall

The Holidays are over, routine has been restored. And... PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE! Yes my friends, I have made progress in my goals, and its time you all know about the Rock Wall.

You see, I was beginning to get discouraged as the Holidays proved difficult to run or write in, and then regular life kicked in and again I found excuses crowding out the time I should have taken to get my butt out the door. And then, last Friday night, I climbed a rock wall. Stephen and I went on a double date with my best friend and her husband (who just happen to be my aunt and uncle). After eating dinner at Los Hermanos (our server was from Norway! Mexican food, Norwegian waitress. Interesting mix), we all went over to the Quarry, the indoor rock climbing place in Provo. After doing a few climbs we were wrapping up and I decided that I wanted to do one more climb.

At this point my muscles were already screaming at me, my harness (which was a really weird harness) was digging into me in the most uncomfortable places and yet I wanted to attempt to scale a wall with an overhang. Overly ambitious? Yes. Yes it was. I started climbing. About 1/3 up the wall I got stuck. I heard Stephen yell from beneath me, "You've got this babe!" and I said to myself, "Oh. Right. Of course I've got this" and I suddenly found myself climbing higher. And then I hit the overhang.

My whole body groaned as I attempted to hoist myself up over that stupid overhang. When I wasn't able to get over it the first few tries, I tried to find a way around it, with no luck. Sweat streaming down my face, hands clammy, with chalk doing little to no good, I almost called it quits. And then, again, came that disgustingly happy, encouraging voice from below, "Come on! You can do this!" And I thought, "I married a delusional man. There is no way I can do this. " But then he yelled again, "You are so close! You can do it!" and, with some cursing and grunts and the constant "I can do this! I can do this! At least Stephen thinks I can do this and if he thinks I can, I know I can..." running through my mind. That over hang was conquered.  But I still had a few feet to go, and my arms were shaking and my legs felt dead beneath me.

"You are so close! You can do this babe!" I love my husband. His encouraging words can make me move mountains. Or at least climb them. But at this point, something in my mind was telling me "Your body can't do this. Its been pushed too far as it is. You got pretty close. Go ahead, come on down." But I knew, I knew, that Stephen thought I could do it. And, for some crazy reason, I believed him. And, with much heaving, groaning and reaching into the depths of my own stubbornness, I reached the top.

The next day I decided it was high time that really started running. With the elation of the night before, I dressed in the warmest running clothes I had, and then put on another layer. And out the door I went. With Stephen's "I know you can do this!" still ringing in my ears, I ran 2/3rds of a mile, without stopping, without any issues, and I probably could have kept going if I hadn't stopped in shock because I was still running. You see, I have been able to run about 1/5th of a mile so far without getting winded. That is about 2 minutes. I ran for 8.5 minutes straight, and still felt great when I stopped. Incredible. A miracle. And all because, my husband told me I could. And guess what? I kept on running once I got over the shock of my own accomplishment. Of those 2 miles, I ran 1.5!

I have learned some valuable lessons from this. 1) Having a good support team is vital to accomplishing goals. My husband is the most amazing, most valuable person on my support team and in my life. And he deserves the same kind of undying belief in his abilities that he has for mine. 2) I CAN DO THIS! I really am capable of many things, but I keep putting up this mental wall that I can't climb. Well, until now. Now, I know that the wall isn't only climbable, but its pretty darn fun to get to the top. I can do anything. 3) Finishing things feels so good! Perfectionism has been stopping me from obtaining goals because I am afraid I won't do it right or as well as somebody else. No more. I am allowed to mess up, make mistakes, run to the beat of my own drum and I don't have to apologize for it.

So, here is the goal. Operation Smile is hosting a 5K to raise funds for the amazing work they do. It is on March 26th. And I am running it. Anyone want to come with me? Trust me You Can Do This! (and so can I!)