Kind of Random, but It Has a Lot of Heart

Am I the only one who likes to write papers in a smaller font, single spaced and then at the exact moment of feeling like this paper is never, ever, ever going to be finished, up the font size, double space the thing and voila! You've actually gone over in length! Ok... maybe I am the only one who does that. For some reason, it makes me feel better.

I am officially on Week Three of Stephen being gone. And, to be honest, it isn't any better than Week One. I still miss him just as much, and it doesn't get any easier. Weird, right? But, I have learned some interesting things about myself. Example: I can pretty much eat the same thing every day for two weeks and not really care. If I am not cooking for someone else, zero effort goes into the thing. 

This is NOT me!

But, it's not all gloom and doom. I have nearly doubled the amount of miles I run a day. I have found a passion for serving others and putting together events (I really should be an event planner... and possibly a cosmetologist. And maybe a stunt driver. I have always wanted to be an awesome stunt driver. But I digress). I have this incredible support system that makes every day a little bit better. I have never been this excited to check my mail. And I have a new habit of writing down things I am grateful for whenever I start feeling gloomy or stressed or mad.

 

I was flipping through some of my notes from several classes and I have all these random lists of "gratitude's". And... let's be honest, some days it is just so hard and awful feeling that the things I am grateful for are fingernail polish, scoop-able kitty-litter and a new toothbrush. But it never fails to make me feel better about life. Try it guys. It really does help. 

Ok, so here is something I have got to know. To all you amazing women who see sticks, ribbon, fabric and an old pot and think, "Oh my goodness! That would make the cutest XYZ!" HOW DO YOU DO IT! I am looking around at the grocery store, stuck in a ridiculously long check-out line, and I pick up a magazine with fun halloween stuff on it. I am thinking to myself, "Oh good, maybe I can come up with a costume!" Nope. Instead, it made me feel guilty for making my chocolate-chip cookies from a Betty Crocker mix instead of making these "easy" owl cupcakes, complete with adorable big eyes and homemade chocolatey goodness. 

What is it about making cute stuff? How do you women do it?! I literally have a hard time making a birthday card. I usually end up using one of my many 3X5 notecards laying around for research purposes and just write a heartfelt happy birthday.... My kids are doomed. But! There is hope.

Though I may never be like my many friends and relatives who's homes are filled with cute, homemade knick-knacks and gourmet meals, I may someday have the good luck to find that I have become like Erma Bombeck and have given hope to all the women in the world who, honestly, just can't craft.  Erma is my hero. I love her honesty. Her ability to admit that her kids drove her crazy. Her candid columns on the ups and downs of marriage, and her heartwarming messages of embracing who we are - extra pounds, dirty houses, bad days and all. She was the first person I ever knew to admit that she was not ok, life sucked and hey look I just found a penny so it can't really be that bad! Her optimism and openness inspire me. 

So, guess what guys? This next week, when someone asks how we are doing and we aren't having a good day, look them in the eyes and say, "Today is about as good as that time I ran over my own foot with my car. But, its ok. It's just one day and I am strong enough to get through it. Thank you so much for taking the time to ask me." And if they are just being superficial and waiting for you to say, "Just fine, thank you." Then... why are you wasting your time on that person any ways? 

Here's to being real! To accepting our lumps, bumps, scrapes and moments of complete forgetfulness! 

So, I'll start: My husband has been gone for two weeks and I tear up about once a day. And you know what? I feel grateful that I have been given the amazing gift of loving a man so much that being without him hurts every moment of every day. Who could ask for more than that?