Lamest Excuses of All Times

With the help of friends, I have been compiling a list of the lamest excuses of all times. We started out with lame excuses to get out of going on dates, and it has kind of snow-balled from there. Here are some of the "best" lamest excuses we came up with: 

"My goldfish has a cold, I don't want to leave him just in case this is the end."

 "I was thinking about washing my hair that day, sorry"

 "The ink in my printer is out. I have to change it cause I am thinking about printing something on Saturday."

"That is my designated "Sit in Silence" Day."

 "I'm color blind."

" Sorry, Wednesday won't work.. I've got to go to Mexico.. it's my turn to be a drug mule.. but if I make it back alive.. Saturday would be awesome."

"I have a whole package of pencils that need sharpening."

"I'm people watching that night."

"My fortune cookie said that's it's an unlucky time for me."

"I'm considering becoming a trapeze artist. I had scheduled in my decision making time for that night."

And my personal favorite, "I have to mate socks for the homeless."

 Now, I'm not saying that I have ever used one of these excuses (maybe one... once or twice) I just think they are pretty funny. I mean, come on! Haven't you ever had someone ask you out, or want to hang out and you just really, Really REALLY didn't want too. But you were pretty sure, "I don't want to hang out with out at all. Ever." is a little too honest? 

 I know I have. I also know that I have a tendency to not want to hurt some people's feelings. (Some. Not all. There are some people I wouldn't mind hitting with a 2X4 of hard, cold truth) I think, that when it comes to really turning someone down because you just really don't want to be with them as a friend or potential date, that they deserve a half truth.

Miss Manners of MSN.com, says that you don't have to offer an excuse. A simple, "I'm sorry, I won't be able to" should suffice. If they push for more, you should be able to politely tell them that you really won't be able to, and you appreciate the offer.

One problem, this does not deal with the horrible fact that they will probably ask you when you are free. Miss Manners gives us yet another thing to say, "You know, my schedule is really packed right now. Why don't I contact you when my schedule clears up."

Problem! I know many a persistent guy who won't realize that you are rejecting his offer of courtship. I know many a girl who won't realize you are trying to avoid her. So, what do we do? (This is when I am sincerely glad that I am married and can just tell my husband, "Babe, I just need some alone time right now, kapish? We'll cuddle later. I love you." ) 

 So how do you deal with this problem? In my single days, I had a rule. I would go on a date with a guy once (if he didn't pose a threat to my safety in any way). After that, if he asked me out again and I really didn't want to go out with him I could just say, "You know what, I had a lot of fun with you. But I think we would be better friends. Is that cool?" And if it wasn't, I would never hear from him again and I was OK with that.

But with friends... or people who "think" they are your friend... It gets difficult. In all honesty, most of the time I just suck it up and hang out with them if they are the type that doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. But, if that person has plenty of friends and being with them makes me want poke myself repeatedly in the eye with barbeque tongs... I usually have the "I'm so sorry I am terribly busy" excuse on hand. But, I'll admit, I've given some pretty lame excuses. 

It's honesty time people, what is the lamest excuse you have ever given? Or has anyone ever given you an incredibly lame excuse before?