I did not die!

Hello All,
Just in case you were wondering, I didn't die. Nope. I am still here. I just had a couple of speed bumps thrown in my way and haven't had the time nor the brain power nor the desire to really write.

So, a brief update! My dear husband and I went to Florida on vacation! Yay for DisneyWorld and the Beach! We had a ton of fun and really enjoyed spending time with one another.

As soon as we got back from Florida I had to jump straight into school and job hunting and getting ready for Stephen to ship out for training. Life was busy. Life was hectic. Life was beautiful.

And then, this past Sunday, I had to drive up to Salt Lake City and drop my husband off at a hotel. I had to say goodbye to the most important person in my life. I get to talk to him through letters. Yippee. (I am about as enthusiastic about this as I am about getting a root canal). I know, I know... it's only for 2 1/2 months. But guess what? It still sucks!

So what have I been doing to cope? I'll be honest... it has not been easy. Some mornings I have to literally break down my day into teeny, tiny babysteps. Each little step accomplished is a victory I can celebrate! (I got out of bed, 2 points for Jeannie! Ohhh, I made the bed. I am kind of awesome. Look at me getting all dressed with hair and make-up done. Gold star!) Yes. This is what my life has been reduced it. And no, I am not exactly thrilled that my accomplishments are minuscule and things that most people do without thinking.

This is how I cope. And I know it will get easier. (It has to get easier. If it doesn't get easier... I demand a refund!) And, honestly, I see no shame in it. I talk to so many people and they are all unwilling to admit that they are struggling. Now, I know about putting on a brave face. I know about saying, "Oh I'm fine!" When, in reality, I just want to scream and shout and cry and hide in my closet with my cat and my 11 Seasons of Friends until the world comes back together again in an orderly fashion.

However, I would like to think that I have the strength to say that I am vulnerable. I have the courage to admit that it is not easy. That actually facing my empty bed at night and crawling into it with nothing but a pile of pillows takes a herculean effort. Guess what people? Life is hard. And you know what? The beauty of it is that I know I will make it through. I know I have the strength to just make it through each day, one day at a time. I have the presence of mind to celebrate the beauty of my small accomplishments. And I have the love of an incredible man that will not diminish over space and time. And for him, I will have the courage to face my empty bed each night, walk into my apartment with only a cat for company and face family and friend get-togethers with no one by my side. Yup. I can do this. It just isn't easy.

But who ever said it would be easy? The harder I work the more rewarding the end will be. So, today when I finish school, when I am done begging for jobs from anyone who will hire me, I will go home. Eat dinner with my cat (I will not be eating my cat for dinner, just to clarify) and turn on Food Network so I can hear voices while I tackle a pile of homework. We can do anything people. I promise.