The Rules

I've realized one of the greatest outlets I have is writing. And, let's be honest, this week has been one of the longest, hardest weeks of my life. Between crying at home, in my drive-way, the school parking lot and the ladies room (at school) I think I have cried more over my husband being away than I have over any break-up EVER!

However, I've realized something about this.... I have been blessed to love a man so much that going one week without him is the hardest thing I could do. I have the great honor to be the wife to a man brave enough to go after his dreams, to do the hard things and do them all with a smile. I can't believe how lucky I am to serve my country and have the love of an incredible man. Nothing compares to that. I truly am a very blessed girl.

I have to say though... being so blessed can be a burden. Thankfully, it's a burden well worth bearing.

So, as I have sat at home, attempting to do my incredibly boring homework (I don't mind reading/writing/analyzing interesting homework! BUT boring homework? Ugh.) I have come to realize that though this royally bites I have been given a gift! Think about it this way: I have the opportunity to really work on the things I need to be the best me so that when my sweet husband sees me again I am better and braver than ever before! I can really focus on working out, excelling at school and working through my personal issues without having to involve anyone else. I have been given some growing space and dagnabit! I am going to use it! (Granted... I would rather have my husband here and just grow with him. But it is a pretty cool concept.)

So, Here are the ground rules:

1. For every complaint there must be a "grateful". So, if I moan and gripe and complain (which really is needed for anyone. We all need to vent) I must follow that time with the same amount of gratitude. (This also goes for any negative comments about myself and others)
2. GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR!!!!!! - This helps sanity. Going to bed early makes everything else bearable. Try it. Getting enough sleep suddenly gives the world this wonderful rosy-tint.
3. Eat - regularly, healthy food. This also makes the world much more bearable.
4. EXERCISE - "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands." While my husband isn't around to kill, the concept is still the same. Exercise just makes me happy. Not to mention I really want this hot bod for when my hubby sees me again. (And long, beautiful hair.... I am seriously thinking extensions. Anyone have any experience in that field that could give me some pointers?)
5. Service. It is really hard to be all lonely/sad/grumpy when serving others. It doesn't matter who it is or how small the deed, I am going to try to serve someone every single day. 
6. Love me. Everything listed above is really all about loving and taking care of myself. After all, I am soooooooooo  worth it!
7. Have faith. Lots and lots and lots of faith. Cause, in the end, "The future is as bright as my faith." And I want a future that just really shines. 

There you go. The rules! 

So now, when I am really missing Stephen, having to see a whole bunch of couples enjoying each other's company, or just feeling sorry for myself I know exactly what I need to do. 

Now - I need to go read a 30 page article on barbed-wire and it's impact on Western Economics. (Jealous? I knew you would be. Don't worry, I can always forward it to you so you don't feel left out)

P.S. Yes, I re-did my blog again! Why? Just cause.... it wasn't really ME! So.... I hope you like it! 

I did not die!

Hello All,
Just in case you were wondering, I didn't die. Nope. I am still here. I just had a couple of speed bumps thrown in my way and haven't had the time nor the brain power nor the desire to really write.

So, a brief update! My dear husband and I went to Florida on vacation! Yay for DisneyWorld and the Beach! We had a ton of fun and really enjoyed spending time with one another.

As soon as we got back from Florida I had to jump straight into school and job hunting and getting ready for Stephen to ship out for training. Life was busy. Life was hectic. Life was beautiful.

And then, this past Sunday, I had to drive up to Salt Lake City and drop my husband off at a hotel. I had to say goodbye to the most important person in my life. I get to talk to him through letters. Yippee. (I am about as enthusiastic about this as I am about getting a root canal). I know, I know... it's only for 2 1/2 months. But guess what? It still sucks!

So what have I been doing to cope? I'll be honest... it has not been easy. Some mornings I have to literally break down my day into teeny, tiny babysteps. Each little step accomplished is a victory I can celebrate! (I got out of bed, 2 points for Jeannie! Ohhh, I made the bed. I am kind of awesome. Look at me getting all dressed with hair and make-up done. Gold star!) Yes. This is what my life has been reduced it. And no, I am not exactly thrilled that my accomplishments are minuscule and things that most people do without thinking.

This is how I cope. And I know it will get easier. (It has to get easier. If it doesn't get easier... I demand a refund!) And, honestly, I see no shame in it. I talk to so many people and they are all unwilling to admit that they are struggling. Now, I know about putting on a brave face. I know about saying, "Oh I'm fine!" When, in reality, I just want to scream and shout and cry and hide in my closet with my cat and my 11 Seasons of Friends until the world comes back together again in an orderly fashion.

However, I would like to think that I have the strength to say that I am vulnerable. I have the courage to admit that it is not easy. That actually facing my empty bed at night and crawling into it with nothing but a pile of pillows takes a herculean effort. Guess what people? Life is hard. And you know what? The beauty of it is that I know I will make it through. I know I have the strength to just make it through each day, one day at a time. I have the presence of mind to celebrate the beauty of my small accomplishments. And I have the love of an incredible man that will not diminish over space and time. And for him, I will have the courage to face my empty bed each night, walk into my apartment with only a cat for company and face family and friend get-togethers with no one by my side. Yup. I can do this. It just isn't easy.

But who ever said it would be easy? The harder I work the more rewarding the end will be. So, today when I finish school, when I am done begging for jobs from anyone who will hire me, I will go home. Eat dinner with my cat (I will not be eating my cat for dinner, just to clarify) and turn on Food Network so I can hear voices while I tackle a pile of homework. We can do anything people. I promise.